Let's Go Ranger Hunting!
by Elf from Downunder
Summary: Sequel to Haldir Interviews Sir. Douglas Mawson! Glorfindel, Gandalf, Legolas and the Peredhil twins go searching for Aragorn and Faramir, who are stuck in 21st century Australia. With more Middle Earth characters bound to get caught up in it all, madness will strike the city of Melbourne. That, and Merry and Pippin are still in the fun!
1. Where Are Our Rangers At?

**A/N: Thank you to the wonderful Archet for the main plotline!**

**For those who haven't read Haldir Interview's Sir. Douglas Mawson, expect a lot of randomness, very … OOC characters and shopping malls amidst all the madness!**

* * *

**Chapter1. Where Are Our Rangers At?**

It had been some time now since the Interviewing Crew and their interviewing days had ended, and they did have such an end.

An end which involved fires, crazy old men, meat sauce and Tom the janitor.

But that's a whole other story, which one would wonder how it ended in so much madness.

All I can say in the end, is that Haldir lost his hair, Gandalf lost his patience, Legolas had never been more bored and Pippin and Merry had the day of their lives.

But what ever happened to Faramir and Aragorn? The last anyone heard, they were the new janitors at the old folk home in Adelaide – after an incident with Tom involving meat sauce and rolling many flights down the stairs.

How will Aragorn ever become king of Gondor now? And how will Faramir become cooler than Boromir (to his father's eyes)?

Gandalf was pacing back and forth in the tense atmosphere of Lord Elrond's study, thinking of the past events and recounting it to Elrond.

"... then Merry and Pippin set his kitchen on fire … and Haldir burst in and had his hair set fire to … then I saved the day by diminishing the great flames … then Haldir ran out crying, and I got Legolas to catch him and calm him down with a … are you even listening?"

Elrond had somehow fallen asleep upon his desk.

"Hm. I guess not,"

Leaning in close to Elrond's ear, the wise Maia whispered, "Wake up, the Spice Girls are here."

"Huh? Where!?" Almost immediately, Elrond leaped to his feet and looked frantically around the room. "I MUST MEET THEM – Oh, hello Gandalf, did I fall asleep?"

"Yes you did. Now listen to the end of my amazing tale!"

With a disappointed sigh, Elrond seated himself and continued to listen to Gandalf's story.

" … and then we ran out of the old folk's home and forgot Aragorn and Faramir. There, I am now done."

Elrond looked confused. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because," Gandalf said. "I believe that you will give me advise on this matter."

"Advise on what?"

Gandalf sighed. Sometimes he felt as if he were the only sane one left in Arda.

"Advise on how to get Aragorn and Faramir back! Gondor is left without a king and a nutcase is ruling instead, and that nutcase is probably wondering where his beloved son is!"

"Mithrandir, I don't think Denethor cares about Faramir,"

"That is beyond the point!" Gandalf stated.

"No it's not."

"Yes it is! Now come up with something to solve this problem!"

"What if I don't want to?" Elrond folded his arms and glared at the wizard.

Gandalf glared back at him. "This is not the time for your foolishness! Now think!"

Elrond scratched his chin in thought, although you would wonder on what exactly he was thinking of.

Gandalf was deeply thinking of all the possible things to do. If only Aragorn wasn't the only heir to the throne of Gondor. But after some more deep thinking, Gandalf finally had an idea.

"I have it! I shall go to the 21st century and get them back!" he declared.

"But you have no idea where they are, or if they are still alive." Elrond said.

Gandalf heeded not his words.

"And with me I shall take the remaining members of the Interviewing Crew – except Pippin and Merry, they'd just get in the way like usual. But Legolas and Haldir will surely help me!"

Elrond blinked for a while, not quite sure on what to make of all this.

"Um, okay. Take Glorfindel with you. He's moping around for something to do around here and it's getting irritating."

At this moment, Elladan and Elrohir burst into the room in a loud and ungraceful manner.

"ADA! ADA! GUESS WHAT!?" they shouted in unison.

Elrond rubbed his temples and sighed. Weren't his sons too old for this?

"What?"

The two stood side by side with matching evil grins. "We're bored. We would like to go with Mithrandir too."

Gandalf's eyes lit up in fury. "No! You will most definitely not!"

Elladan looked hurt.

"But we promise to help find Estel!"

Elrohir nodded.

"And the other silly ranger!"

"And we won't be annoying!"

"Nor shall we speak unless necessary!"

"Or breathe!"

"Yeah – wait, what? Elladan, I think we need to breathe," Elrohir gave his brother a puzzled look.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Well, we promise to not get in the way!" Elladan summed up.

Gandalf shook his head. "In case you haven't noticed, you are getting in the way right now!"

"Awww … ada, please?" the twins knelt down on their knees.

Elrond looked at Gandalf for help, who was just glaring at the twins.

In the end he gave his sons a stern look. "No. Go and help Erestor instead."

"I am afraid we cannot do that, ada." Elrohir said, he and his twin standing up and forming creepy smiles on their faces.

"And why not?"

Their grins grew bigger, as Elladan said, "We tied him up and locked him in the basement."

"And why would you do that?" Elrond wondered, not surprised at all. It seems the twins did things like this often.

"Because," Elladan started. "He is boring and Elrohir and I felt like doing something evil. Now, can we go? Can we? Can we?"

"No!" Gandalf snapped. "The 21st century is far too dangerous to the likings of you!"

"Are there orcs there?" Elrohir questioned.

"No, but ..."

"Then what is so dangerous about it?" Elladan asked.

"Trust me, a lot of things other than orcs. Now go and get Glorfindel and tell him what's going on!"

"No." the twins replied. "Not unless we get to go too."

Gandalf looked at Elrond. "Well?"

Elrond pondered on this matter for a long time. It would be nice for some peace and quiet for a while …

"You can go, only if you give me the key to the basement. I don't think Erestor is enjoying it down there ..."

"YAAAYYY!" the twins jumped for joy and gave each other high-fives.

"WHAT!?" Gandalf roared, not believing that he would still be annoyed even if Pippin and Merry weren't going with him.

"Here you go, ada!" Elladan reached in his pocket for the key and passed it to Elrond.

Elrond took it with grace and grinned. "Yes! Peace and quiet in Imladris!"

"I cannot believe my luck already..." Gandalf grumbled. "One chapter into this story and I'm already cursed with these two!"

"Aw, c'mon old guy! We're not that bad!" Elrohir patted Gandalf's head lightly, causing Gandalf to scowl at him.

_This tale is going to end just as bad as the last … _He thought.

_Well predicted, Mithrandir! Now if you don't mind, I've got to go and get Arwen. It's time she stopped sulking about missing Aragorn! _Elrond said in Gandalf's mind – telepathy is handy, no?

_You do that. And if these twins somehow get lost in the city, attacked by insane 21st century people or run over by a bus, you can get the blame. Honestly, the way you raised these two! _

Elrond just shrugged. _Blame it on way too much sugar and Spongebob._

_Spongebob?_

_Yeah, Spongebob. _

"WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA!? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!" the twins screamed.

_Oh, and Mithrandir?_

Gandalf sighed. _Yes?_

_They love to sing._

"I can see that!" Gandalf snapped aloud.

_This quest is already doomed ..._


	2. What Are We Waiting For?

**Chapter 2. What Are We Waiting For?**

It was a typical day in Mirkwood for King Thranduil.

The birds sang for about two seconds into the day before being eaten by giant, mutant spiders.

The sun was barely shining, all the elves were scared they were going to get attacked by the Necromancer any day now and overall, Thranduil was incredibly bored.

It was during his boredom and playing chess with his elk that one of his trusted messengers ran down his great hall hollering frantically.

"MY LORD! MY LORD THRANDUIL!" he shouted.

"Hm?" Thranduil barely gave him any attention – chess seemed to catch his interest much more.

"Lord Glorfindel … of Imladris … is here to see your son … my lord ..." he said rather breathlessly.

"Checkmate!" Thranduil stood up in victory and in process, knocked all the delicate chess pieces to the ground. The elk snorted and walked off to do something more interesting.

"I'm sorry my most trustworthy servant, you were saying?" Thranduil smiled.

The messenger sighed. "Glorfindel wants to see Legolas urgently." and with that, Glorfindel walked majestically into the king's great hall.

"Thranduil, my good friend!" he spread his arms out in greeting.

Thranduil just stared at him. "We're … friends?"

"Yes, and I was wondering if your dear son Legolas is about. I need to discuss something urgent with him."

"How urgent is it?" Thranduil insisted to know.

Glorfindel, however, was taken aback by this question. "Well … er, very urgent?"

"On a scale from 1 to 10 how urgent is it?"

The proud elf scratched his chin. "10?"

"Does it involve orcs? Sauron? Cheesecake? All of the above?"

"Thranduil, cut it out and tell me where Legolas is."

Thranduil put his hands on his hips. "Is it really that important?"

"YES!"

Finally giving in, the elven king sighed. "I'll go get him … oh, and my elk is chewing at your robe,"

Glorfindel whipped around to see the elk with a large part of his robe in it's mouth and shrieked. "EWW! GET OFF!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Legolas was still asleep when his father knocked upon his bedroom door. "Legolas, you have a friend here to see you."

Legolas rolled over and groaned. "Mommy, I don't want to go to school ..." he mumbled into his pillow.

"Legolas? Are you awake?"

"No."

"Glorfindel wants to see you. It's urgent."

At this, Legolas sat up reluctantly and stretched.

"Alright then." he mumbled to himself.

* * *

"So, Glorfindel … what's up?" Legolas casually asked.

Glorfindel cast a confused look at the ceiling. "Er, the roof?"

The woodland prince blinked rapidly a couple of times at his reply. "Okay then. Let's try this another way – why are you here?"

Glorfindel brightened up. "Oh, right! Well, how would you like to go on another trip to the 21st century?"

Silence.

"What?"

"Another trip to the 21st century!" Glorfindel started pacing in circles. "You see, the last time you went, you accidentally left Aragorn and Faramir behind. And Gandalf is worried that they've gone off and killed themselves! So what say you?"

"No way."

Glorfindel gave Legolas a shocked look. "What? Why not!? It'll be good fun!"

"Good fun?" Legolas shot him a quick glare. "Do you have any idea what happened the last time? Haldir lost his hair, Pippin and Merry blew up a kitchen, and there was this vending machine there that didn't even work! So no! I'm staying here … I'd rather have a tea party with one of Ungoliant's minions, or play Just Dance with dad's pet elk!"

"Well then, Legolas. I'm afraid you have left me with no choice," Glorfindel's face became expressionless.

"Because whether you like it or not, you're going …"

Legolas gulped. And he had every reason to.

* * *

Haldir was sulking and trying to get his rather short grown hair looking perfect when he heard a knock on the door.

In a perilous mood, he decided against opening it. Yet the knocking continued.

"Go away! I'm not home!" Haldir snapped.

"Haldir?"

"What?"

"It's me, Mithrandir! And would you open this cursed door before I blast it into the void?!"

"You do that, and you can pay for a new one!" Haldir cried, on the verge of tears. First his hair … now his door. Why was everyone bent on destroying what he owned?

"If you're going to be like that, we shall talk like this whether you like it or not! For an urgent matter is at hand … you see, your great talent is needed! It's about Aragorn and Faramir,"

Haldir wiped away his rather pointless tears and scowled. "Those losers. What now, is Aragorn's hand stuck in a cheese grater? Is Faramir stuck on something on 'Four Pics One Word'? You think I will risk myself just to help them and their lame problems!?"

Behind the door, Gandalf sighed in defeat, too tired to argue with the distressed Marchwarden. "You know what, your help is not needed after all ..."

"I HATE LIFE!" Haldir took his anger out on his pillow and threw it against the wall.

* * *

Elladan and Elrohir were waiting for Glorfindel and Gandalf just outside the village of Bree. They quickly grew bored and restless and decided to play 'spin-the-bottle' with random travelers to pass the time, but that apparently grew boring too.

"Where are Mithrandir and Glorfindel?" Elladan wondered.

Elrohir was just about to answer, when Glorfindel skipped into view, a potato sack with something (or someone) in it slung over his shoulder. The twins immediately beamed.

"Oh! Oh! What's in the sack? Can we see? Can we open it!? Can we? Can we!?" They excitedly cried, entering Glorfindel's personal bubble.

Simply pushing the two aside, Glorfindel dumped the sack onto a clear patch of grass. A muffled cry was heard from inside.

"Is there someone inside?" Elladan curiously poked it.

"Hey! Watch it!" A figure ripped his way out, breathing the clear, fresh air before glaring at the elves before him.

"Hi Legolas!" The twins greeted, hugging the poor wood elf prince just as he stood up.

"Can't breathe ..." he gasped.

Glorfindel just waved the twins off. "Give Legolas some space."

"Okay!" Just as quickly as they hugged him, they let go and both bore grins that belonged to maniacs.

"We're so glad to see you ..."

Legolas took a step back. "You two creep me out … hey Glorfindel! What's the big idea? You think I enjoy being shoved into a musty sack?"

Glorfindel shrugged. "Well, you were being boring and we really need your help, considering you've been to the 21st century before, right? And I've always wanted to kidnap someone like that!"

"Well, er, okay then. What now?"

Glorfindel sighed and sat down. "Now, we wait for Gandalf."

"Gummy bear?" Elrohir offered, holding up a packet of the candy.

Legolas cast the gummy bears one look, before shaking his head. "No thanks ..."

"OH I'M A GUMMY BEAR! YEAH I'M A GUMMY BEAR! OH I'M A YUMMY, TUMMY, FUNNY, LUCKY GUMMY BEAR!"

"Oh, please don't tell me they're tagging along ..." Legolas groaned.


End file.
